Curiosity landed on Mars
*fist bump to the NASA bros*
Are you interested in starting an educational outreach program? I'm a kindergarten teacher, not a scientist, but it is one of my favorite subjects to teach. You need to start training the new batch of Science Bros as soon as possible, after all. I have a lot of experience managing large groups of 5-year-olds, if that's helpful. Since I have summers off, I'm also happy to help with any other projects then. I've done some entomology fieldwork, but I like learning new science too.
Can you bring us picture books? I like picture books. We will merely BORROW them and then give them back to your ScienceBros in training. Really.
Also, I want a nap. Every day, I envy little ones and their nap mats. We’re going to follow the Globex Corp. lead and set up a hammock area, I swear we are.
Can I join, please? I'm an economist in training: we tell people economics is Science so they'll trust us with their money. *evil cackle* "In training" means I haven't caused my first financial crisis yet, but it's going to be awesome, trust me. Every state surrenders much quicker if they can't afford to resist. I'm also good at proving that I'm innocent, I have always been correct, and it was someone else's fault entirely (it comes with the job.)
AnonymousEither you are the same anon economist from my personal Tumblr trying to get a second salary, or you’re a new economist looking to hang on the coat tails of the first, and thus do less work.
I’m not sure which of the two answers would more qualify you for ScienceBro status. Welcome aboard!
"The ficus in the lobby has eaten its second intern." Aw, jeez. Tell me it wasn't Bobby. I just got that kid trained up on the mid-morning coffee and waffles run.
AnonymousDon’t learn their names until they’ve learned to duck. It’s better that way.
Re: The ficus in the lobby. The ficus in question is clearly labelled, and one of the Horticulture Research Department's most successful hybrids. If new interns are unable to read signage that can hardly be blamed on our department. Also, I heard they were trying to feed it soggy tomato sandwiches. It was insulted. ~Petrel.
Too late to give us the origin story now, Stan Lee. The reception department has taken ownership. I’m sure it will be fine.
Vodka fixes everything.
Coffee division was thinking of convincing another department to join with them and create some ScienceBros Every Flavor Coffee Beans. A surprise in every cup. Thoughts?
Didn’t the world learn their lesson with Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans?
Though the grass ones were strangely compelling…
Let’s start with some creamer lines. Less terrifying.
submission from agent8927: RE: MEMO TO ALL PERSONEL
re:
Friendly reminder to everyone that the coffee related experiments done in Chem labs 5-13 are NOT to be mixed up with the mysterious black sludge we found in [INFORMATION REDACTED] and that NEITHER OF THESE are safe for human consumption. Seriously people. That sludge is probably toxic, and the coffee needs more testing before we release it for distribution. We still haven’t fixed that hallucination thing. And bullet holes are not my division.
On a related note, we’re taking volunteers for the coffee testing.
The black sludge from [INFORMATION REDACTED] is actually a mistake from the print department.
We tried to team up with some of the bio scientists to make a bio-degradable and edible ink for incident reports where we could dispose of evidence by eating it.
Tests did not go well. It is suggested you refrain from going down that hallway for the next 72 hours at least, if you have already gone down there or made physical contact with the sludge, please update your will and see the HAZMAT med team.
For future reference, soy sauce mixed with [INFORMATION REDACTED] , [INFORMATION REDACTED] , and [INFORMATION REDACTED], stirred on an open flame at around 237 degrees Celsius does not in fact make ink that is edible.
The print department apologises for the inconvenience. We will purchase new coffee for the next three weeks. We do not speak for the biologists who helped us.
Perhaps the disgruntled ficus should be watered on a regular schedule? Warning: If you make the receptionist do this, she will water it with Vodka. This will make the ficus love her, and protect her, and possibly name her George. Since everyone regularly forgets Administrative Assistant / Secretary's day, this could Become A Problem.
The receptionist in question has the right to push anyone who forgets such occasions directly into the ficus’ path. The gifts should start flowing quickly after the first or second screaming ‘incident.’
submission from cericneesh: MEMO TO ALL DEPARTMENTS
Yes, we have a Starbucks now. No, we did not threaten them, nor are you allowed to. No, their employees do not know what we do, nor are they allowed to. Yes, this is a direct result of the fact that our regular coffee supply is constantly being…. tampered with, and is generally unfit for consumption even when otherwise normal. Yes, you still have to pay them. No, you cannot pay them in booze, they are not the MedStaff.
ANYONE FOUND TO BE EXPERIMENTING UPON THE STARBUCKS STAFF IN ANY WAY WILL BE STRUCK DOWN WITH MIGHTY FORCE FOR TAMPERING WITH THE ONLY DRINKABLE COFFEE LEFT.
