Science Bros Assemble!

Curiosity landed on Mars

april-rainer — Mon, 06 Aug 2012 10:47:30 -0400

*fist bump to the NASA bros*

Are you interested in starting an educational outreach program? I'm a kindergarten teacher, not a scientist, but it is one of my favorite subjects to teach. You need to start training the new batch of Science Bros as soon as possible, after all. I have a lot of experience managing large groups of 5-year-olds, if that's helpful. Since I have summers off, I'm also happy to help with any other projects then. I've done some entomology fieldwork, but I like learning new science too.

Thu, 12 Jul 2012 11:24:34 -0400

Can you bring us picture books? I like picture books. We will merely BORROW them and then give them back to your ScienceBros in training. Really.

Also, I want a nap. Every day, I envy little ones and their nap mats. We’re going to follow the Globex Corp. lead and set up a hammock area, I swear we are.

Can I join, please? I'm an economist in training: we tell people economics is Science so they'll trust us with their money. evil cackle "In training" means I haven't caused my first financial crisis yet, but it's going to be awesome, trust me. Every state surrenders much quicker if they can't afford to resist. I'm also good at proving that I'm innocent, I have always been correct, and it was someone else's fault entirely (it comes with the job.)

Thu, 12 Jul 2012 11:19:37 -0400

Either you are the same anon economist from my personal Tumblr trying to get a second salary, or you’re a new economist looking to hang on the coat tails of the first, and thus do less work.

I’m not sure which of the two answers would more qualify you for ScienceBro status. Welcome aboard!

"The ficus in the lobby has eaten its second intern." Aw, jeez. Tell me it wasn't Bobby. I just got that kid trained up on the mid-morning coffee and waffles run.

Wed, 11 Jul 2012 23:07:24 -0400

Don’t learn their names until they’ve learned to duck. It’s better that way.

Re: The ficus in the lobby. The ficus in question is clearly labelled, and one of the Horticulture Research Department's most successful hybrids. If new interns are unable to read signage that can hardly be blamed on our department. Also, I heard they were trying to feed it soggy tomato sandwiches. It was insulted. ~Petrel.

Wed, 11 Jul 2012 23:06:57 -0400

Too late to give us the origin story now, Stan Lee. The reception department has taken ownership. I’m sure it will be fine.

Vodka fixes everything.

Coffee division was thinking of convincing another department to join with them and create some ScienceBros Every Flavor Coffee Beans. A surprise in every cup. Thoughts?

Wed, 11 Jul 2012 23:05:32 -0400

Didn’t the world learn their lesson with Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans?

Though the grass ones were strangely compelling…

Let’s start with some creamer lines. Less terrifying.

submission from agent8927: RE: MEMO TO ALL PERSONEL

scifigrl47 — Wed, 11 Jul 2012 23:04:20 -0400

re:

Friendly reminder to everyone that the coffee related experiments done in Chem labs 5-13 are NOT to be mixed up with the mysterious black sludge we found in [INFORMATION REDACTED] and that NEITHER OF THESE are safe for human consumption. Seriously people. That sludge is probably toxic, and the coffee needs more testing before we release it for distribution. We still haven’t fixed that hallucination thing. And bullet holes are not my division.

On a related note, we’re taking volunteers for the coffee testing.

The black sludge from [INFORMATION REDACTED] is actually a mistake from the print department.

We tried to team up with some of the bio scientists to make a bio-degradable and edible ink for incident reports where we could dispose of evidence by eating it.

Tests did not go well. It is suggested you refrain from going down that hallway for the next 72 hours at least, if you have already gone down there or made physical contact with the sludge, please update your will and see the HAZMAT med team.

For future reference, soy sauce mixed with [INFORMATION REDACTED] , [INFORMATION REDACTED] , and [INFORMATION REDACTED], stirred on an open flame at around 237 degrees Celsius does not in fact make ink that is edible.

The print department apologises for the inconvenience. We will purchase new coffee for the next three weeks. We do not speak for the biologists who helped us.

Perhaps the disgruntled ficus should be watered on a regular schedule? Warning: If you make the receptionist do this, she will water it with Vodka. This will make the ficus love her, and protect her, and possibly name her George. Since everyone regularly forgets Administrative Assistant / Secretary's day, this could Become A Problem.

Wed, 11 Jul 2012 22:59:13 -0400

The receptionist in question has the right to push anyone who forgets such occasions directly into the ficus’ path. The gifts should start flowing quickly after the first or second screaming ‘incident.’

submission from cericneesh: MEMO TO ALL DEPARTMENTS

cericneesh — Wed, 11 Jul 2012 22:57:33 -0400

Yes, we have a Starbucks now. No, we did not threaten them, nor are you allowed to. No, their employees do not know what we do, nor are they allowed to. Yes, this is a direct result of the fact that our regular coffee supply is constantly being…. tampered with, and is generally unfit for consumption even when otherwise normal. Yes, you still have to pay them. No, you cannot pay them in booze, they are not the MedStaff.

ANYONE FOUND TO BE EXPERIMENTING UPON THE STARBUCKS STAFF IN ANY WAY WILL BE STRUCK DOWN WITH MIGHTY FORCE FOR TAMPERING WITH THE ONLY DRINKABLE COFFEE LEFT.

punpunichu: moonyl00ny: ourinterwebs: this is very deep,...

scifigrl47 — Wed, 11 Jul 2012 18:29:20 -0400

punpunichu:

moonyl00ny:

ourinterwebs:

this is very deep, damnit…and I feel so bad for the little rover ; _ ; I cried.

W-why would you do this ;~;

Memo: The ficus in the lobby has eaten its second intern. From now on, all pet projects of the Botany Division must either be clearly labeled or kept within their own labs. Interns are one thing - visitors are something else and until Genetics has figured out how to duplicate our more affluent donors, having your pet projects digest random passer-by is not a viable option. Research has filed a complaint, and would like either two replacement interns or a carnivorous ficus of their own.

Tue, 10 Jul 2012 23:47:35 -0400

But if they get a carnivorous ficus, what are they gonna feed it? They’re running low on interns.

And most of the local colleges are catching on to the fact that they’re not coming back. Stupid record keeping.

submission from thisnewdevilry: Materials Requisition re: Doctor Doom and Sharp Rocks

thisnewdevilry — Tue, 10 Jul 2012 23:46:23 -0400

Attn Supervisor ScienceBro -

Through my affiliation with the Confiscated Items Vault, I have information that would possibly posit a solution to the theoretical situation mentioned in your answer to the request for a Lithic department.

ThinkGeek.com sells small-scale trebuchet, ballista, and catapult kits for office warfare. Perhaps if we format the proper paperwork and personal security waivers, the Lithic Department could be formed to supplement that research project that is being done by the Staff Psychology and Wellness Department (I think it’s ‘Healthy Expressions of Violence as Stress Relief’ or something, correct me if I’m wrong)?

The sound of breaking staplers and martial arts screams from that particular clean lab has always worried me. I think combining the two to go after Doctor Doom might be… uh, better.

Re: Trebuchet. The desk-size prototype is currently on the desk of the receptionist, because screw cookies, she brings RUM CAKE for bribes. (A little bit of the Captain, eh?) Unfortunately, the Ballista prototype keeps getting stolen, we know not by whom, but suspicion is rife, and there are claims the betting pool is rigged. On a related topic, please tell the Librarians and Classics majors to refrain from mentioning Greek Fire at the Mass Hysteria piss u--.... Er, symposium. It Could Be Bad.

Tue, 10 Jul 2012 23:35:10 -0400

I… Don’t have it.

((shifty eyes))

In unrelated notes, I also do not have anything else anyone is looking for. So shut up and go away. Everyone.

Can I be the Receptionist / Official Oracle Priestess of the Cult of Tony Stark's Busted and Abandoned Shit? I have a friend who is a knit designer, we WILL make the toaster hats, oh YES, we WILL. (I will continue to work on the phone tree, and am happy to take suggestions, by the way.) You are a marvel, and I adore your brilliance and the bravery it takes to share it. Just sayin'. (And I'm like 46, so 'd I'll hug Spidey, but he'd DIE of mortification, 'cause I'm OLD!)

Tue, 10 Jul 2012 23:34:10 -0400

Nope. Unless… ARE YOU PLANNING ON GROPING SPIDEY? I see what you’re up to. That tush is difficult to resist, but please, resist. (If resisting is impossible, all other interested ScienceBros require DETAILS.)

It will be fine, we will tell the young man that it’s a ScienceBro hazing ritual. HUGS FOR ALL.

submission from amishamj: MEMO TO ALL PERSONEL

inkstainedcoffeeaddict — Tue, 10 Jul 2012 23:25:03 -0400

Friendly reminder to everyone that the coffee related experiments done in Chem labs 5-13 are NOT to be mixed up with the mysterious black sludge we found in [INFORMATION REDACTED] and that NEITHER OF THESE are safe for human consumption. Seriously people. That sludge is probably toxic, and the coffee needs more testing before we release it for distribution. We still haven’t fixed that hallucination thing. And bullet holes are not my division.

On a related note, we’re taking volunteers for the coffee testing.

submission from naenaelyn: Were there any Bros in Japan last year?

naenaelyn — Tue, 10 Jul 2012 23:24:25 -0400

I just found a report that sounds suspiciously like us. http://io9.com/5731129/drunken-scientists-pour-alcohol-on-superconductors-and-make-an-incredible-discovery

((mod note: sounds like a sad waste of BOOZEAHOLS.))

Lithic is arguably the first tech. In the end, the Iron Man Suit, Mjoliner, bullets, knives, even tungsten arrowheads all began when some primate used their opposable thumb to pick up a rock and hit something in the head with it. (Okay, so it was probably a bug. Or a tough piece of fruit. The principal still holds.) So, yeah, we need a Lithic department. Because who doesn't like to throw rocks at Dr. Doom? Especially sharp edged rocks.

Mon, 09 Jul 2012 20:05:29 -0400

I actually took a wilderness EMT course that taught how to make basic stone blades.

I was not good at it. Much blood was spilled that night.

Listen, I have problems with depth perception. In that I don’t have any.

I am all for throwing rocks at Doom. Preferably with a Trebuchet. Has anyone started work on that?

submission from reakain: A report from the Nuclear Department

reakain — Mon, 09 Jul 2012 19:54:29 -0400

((MOD NOTE: We got people with brains up in this joint.))

The report on our current research reactor was a tad… Delayed due to extenuating circumstances involving plutonium, a hairdryer, and a kitten, we have written a temporary report detailing the reactor in full. Be advised that the scientist responsible has been listed as requiring a proper psych eval for some months now.

So first and foremost as a reactor operator there’s a whole shit ton of rules and technical specifications on any given reactor that must be followed, and following these is built into all the checklists and forms and required notes.

So, for the OSU TRIGA reactor the Safety limit listed in the technical specifications is the fuel temperature. Yeah, yeah, you’d think there’s more, but there’s not. Staying within the temperature requirement is the basis that then forms all the operational specifications. So the reactor needs to stay below- fuck where did I put my tech specs and how am I forgetting this, there it is- So the reactor fuel needs to stay below 1,150 degrees celsius at all times. From this there are limiting safety system settings (LSS’s), so the reactor will SCRAM if the fuel temperature in steady state operation reaches 510 degrees celcius. The instrumented fuel element, which has a thermocouple to measure the temperature that slides all the way down and into it is located in the B-ring, which is the ring surrounding the aluminum slug in the center of the core, since this is where the fuel is hottest.

After this come the LCO’s, which are limiting conditions of operation. One of these is that in pulse mode (which is where the transient rod is shot up out of the core, and this mode can’t be operated if the power in the reactor is over 1kW, and the reactor power jumps to some 2000MW when it pulses, even if it is just a flash for a matter of seconds) the reactor will SCRAM if the fuel temperature reaches 830 degrees celsius.

There’s more than just that for an LCO though, and Shutdown Margin is a pretty major one. The shutdown margin LCO states that the reactor won’t be operated if the margin is greater than $0.55 worth of reactivity (yes, reactivity in a reactor is measured in US currency. Why? Because we’re cool and ridiculous like that) and this value is necessary because it means no matter what the reactor can be shutdown. This value must be less than this while taking into account all irradiated samples and instruments in their most reactive state, and the most reactive control rod fully withdrawn and the reactor in the reference core condition. Going along with reactivity stuff another one is that the core excess reactivity cannot exceed $7.55 from the reference core condition.

Moving on from that stuff, the bulk tank coolant temperature in the reactor pool, since this is a pool type reactor, can’t exceed 49 degrees C. We keep the SCRAM check for this at around 42(I believe) degrees C to be safe, which is pretty low. The pool itself must be at a minimum of 14 feet deep from the top of the reactor to the water surface, and we have a diffuser at the bottom that kicks water in to give the pool some turbulence. This way the Nitrogen 16 isotope, which is bad news bears, but has a really short half-life, decays before it reaches the surface of the tank, lowering the dose to whoever is up there during operation. Other than this the pool is natural circulation and convection, the the water flows simply from the temperature difference between the bottom and top of the pool, which is really damn cool, honestly. I mean it cools itself just chillin’ there. We do have extra help though with about three different heat exchanger set-ups because it’s always better to be safe than sorry.

Going back to the core itself there’s both fuel and reflector elements as well as a source element, which is used to boot up the core. I believe our source is cesium, but I’m not checking it right now. They’re all the same size, and have the same bottom pieces, but the top pieces look different so you can tell them apart. The source is a circle, the reflectors are diamond-esque, and the fuel elements have three points instead of four like the reflectors. The reflector elements are graphite relectors and they’re located in the G-ring. There is one spot in the G-ring to put samples though. It’s called the GRICIT position. This stands for G-ring ICIT, and ICIT is the in core irradiation tube. The normal one is located in the B-ring, and can be swapped out for a CLICIT, which is the cadmium lined ICIT. When operating in the ICIT set up the withdrawal for the transient, shim, and safety rods is 38%, compared to the CLICIT position which is 50%. This pretty big difference is because the cadmium lining actually absorbs the thermal neutrons, so it lowers the power in the center of the core by eating at the neutron population.

The Lazy susan is another sample irradiation option, and it’s a rotating rack on the outside of the core with 30 different positions for samples. If not all spots are filled the samples are distributed evenly around teh lazy susan so they all get an equal irradiation amount. The Lazy Susan is part of the start up checklist in the morning, and it only needs to run if there are samples in it. There’s a visual check that’s this little rotating handle on the reactor top, and there’s a sniffer for the lazy susan that pulls out the argon 41 since that’s an isotope we don’t want building up in there. Thhat’s filtered out and dealt with in the argon manifold, which I believe is on the fourth floor.

There’s a bunch of stuff inside the pool itself that you can see from the reactor top, and there are four different little racks for holding shit. There’s the x, y, z, and s racks. The Z rack is for fuel storage, and I need to check the other four, they’re written down somewhere. The control rods are attached at the top to electromagnatic couples (excluding the transient rod which I’m getting to) and if the reactor should have a sudden loss in power the electromagnetic couples obviously detach because they don’t have power anymore and all the control rods fall back into the core.

The transient rod is pnuematic, which means when we pulse it’s shot out of the core by pressurized air, and it’s the only control rod that isn’t fuel-followed. Instead it’s void-followed kinda but it’s got some air in it so it’s air-followed, but the same thing happens if the reactor loses power because it won’t be getting air any more so it’ll fall back into the core. The doors to the reactor bay have a negative pressure thing so they’re impossible to push open, which means that if something goes wrong nothing’s going to get out of them.

The fuel is LEU 30/20 which means that it’s low-enriched uranium that’s 30% by weight uranium that is at a 20% enrichment, and the fuel actually works really well, and as it burns up the uranium it makes other stuff so in the middle of it’s lifetime it’s actually more reactive than at the start because of the secondary fissile materials it creates. Inside the core there are also two different columns. One is called the thermal column and one is called the thermalizing column and the thermal column angles outward from where it touches the core, and leads out to a shit ton of thermal neutrons where there’s a rolling door where you can dump samples to get this nice uniform neutron flux on the sample.

The NRF (neutron radiography facility) is the tangential beamport that only peels of scattered thermal neutrons and shoots them in a beam into a concrete and lead box with a shutter than can only be opened if the door inside is locked. The PGNAA (prompt gamma neutron activation analysis) facility is connected to beam port four which is the piercing beamport. Of course the beamports have safety procedures to keep interns from sticking their hands in the- THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH THE TEQUILA?!?! DON’T IRRADIATE GOOD BOOZE!

submission from warpsbyherself: Memo: Press Releases

warpsbyherself — Mon, 09 Jul 2012 19:41:06 -0400

All are reminded that PR releases are carefully composed and should not be hacked before distribution to give “a more accurate portrayal of [your] research.” This could lead to the public receiving an accurate portrait of our activities.

If you are tempted to ignore this suggestion, please review the Security Team’s memo regarding the last incident. In addition to that, the Maintenance Team would like to remind you that pitchfork marks are extremely difficult to remove from walls and that they’d like at least three weeks to go by without somebody attempting to burn down the labs.

Thank you,

Public Relations Department

P.S. It occurs to me that the Cult of Tony Stark's Busted and Abandoned Shit, could be turned to the advantage of the ScienceBros were it to be incorporated properly as a religious organization and charity. THINK of the opportunities in grants, tax evasion, stylish uniform choices, and the tremendous fun to be had in coming up with Holy Days and their Celebrations. Just sayin'.

Mon, 09 Jul 2012 19:27:38 -0400

Our new religion will have spiffy hats. Shaped like toasters. WE WILL BE STYLISH AND FIRST IN THE EYES OF GOD.